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Qabilene Updates Archives for 2019-07

A Drunk Driver Crashed Her Car . . . Into the Entrance Gates of a County Jail

Sometimes the criminals just deliver themselves, I guess.

 

 

There's a 19-year-old woman who was driving drunk in Irvine, California around 3:30 A.M. on Monday.  And she crashed her Range Rover into the gates outside of a building.

 

 

That building was . . . a county jail.

 

 

She was arrested for a DUI and booked into the jail. 

 

 

(ABC 7 - Los Angeles)

 

A Nostalgic Guy Breaks Into an Abandoned Mall and Steals a Toilet Seat

I'm not sure my nostalgic memories at the mall include me using their bathroom . . . but to each his own, I guess.

 

 

There's a 40-year-old guy named William Omara from Niagara Falls, New York.  And last week, he broke into an abandoned mall in the middle of the night.

 

 

The cops showed up and found William walking down the street near the mall.  And he admitted he'd broken in because he wanted to, quote, "relive" old experiences there.

 

 

And he stole one memento from the mall . . . a black toilet seat.

 

 

He was arrested for burglary, petit larceny, and possession of burglary tools. 

 

 

(Buffalo News)

 

A Fight Breaks Out on a Cruise Ship Over a Passenger Dressed as a Clown

People take their hatred of clowns VERY seriously.

 

 

A brawl broke out on a cruise ship from Norway to England over the weekend . . . because of a passenger who was dressed like a clown.

 

 

Apparently that made another guy on the ship upset . . . and he and the clown got into a fight.  Other people jumped in and it turned into a violent, bloody mess.

 

 

A 43-year-old man and a 41-year-old woman from Essex, England were arrested for assault.  There's no word on whether they were Team Clown or Team No Clowns. 

 

 

(USA Today / BBC)

Two Drug Dealers Call the Cops When They Get Stuck in a Shipping Container on the Hottest Day Ever

These guys literally picked the WORST day in HISTORY for this to happen.

 

 

Two drug dealers smuggled a bunch of cocaine into Antwerp, Belgium on Wednesday inside a metal shipping container.  But . . . they got stuck inside the container.

 

 

And Wednesday just so happened to be the hottest day in Belgium's HISTORY. 

 

 

By the time it hit 104 degrees outside the guys realized they were in trouble.  Especially since it was probably significantly hotter than that inside the metal container.  So they called the cops to come rescue them.

 

 

It took the cops two hours to find them inside the shipping container in the port . . . and they say the guys were so hot in the container they were actually HAPPY to be arrested. 

 

 

(The Telegraph)

A Woman Gets a DUI for Pouring Hennessy Into a Taco Bell Drive-Thru Worker's Mouth

Sure, this woman was arrested, but what a way to go down.

 

 

She's 23-year-old Elianna Aguilar-Aguilar from Cornelius, Oregon.  And around 1:20 A.M. on Saturday, she went through the Taco Bell drive thru.

 

 

And for some reason, she wound up whipping out a bottle of Hennessy . . . and POURING it into the drive thru worker's MOUTH.  And he clearly had to be willing, since that's not exactly a stunt you can pull off without cooperation.

 

 

But Elianna's generosity backfired . . . because a cop randomly happened to be behind her in the drive-thru line and saw the entire thing go down.

 

 

He pulled her over and her blood-alcohol level was .12, which is above the legal limit of .08, so she was arrested for a DUI.

 

 

As for the drive-thru employee, the cops say they talked to him and he said he didn't know Elianna . . . and he didn't drink most of the Hennessy because it spilled on his shirt.

 

 

There's no word on what Taco Bell thinks of him drinking on the job.  

 

 

(The Oregonian

A Guy Called in a Fake Bomb Threat to Try to Get One of the Flight Attendants to Go Out with Him

I know that decades of romantic comedies have taught us that GRAND GESTURES are the key to winning someone over.  But not like this . . .

 

 

There's a 65-year-old guy in Belgrade, Serbia.  And apparently he met a couple of Lufthansa flight attendants last week and asked one of them on a date.  But she turned him down.

 

 

So . . . he called in a BOMB THREAT on her flight from Belgrade to Frankfurt, Germany.

 

 

Everyone on the plane was evacuated while the bomb squad investigated and eventually figured out it was a hoax.

 

 

The cops tracked down the guy, and he said he called in the threat because he believed if he could just keep the flight attendant from leaving the country, he could win her over.

 

 

He's facing several charges. 

 

 

(Sky News)

Two Guys Rob a Jewelry Store in New York City . . . While a News Crew Is Filming a Story There About the Heat Wave

Well, this is definitely ONE way for a local news station to get an exclusive scoop.

 

 

A news crew from the ABC station in New York City was filming in Manhattan on Friday for a story about the heat wave.

 

 

And while they were filming . . . two guys tried to rob a jewelry store just up the block.

 

 

So the cameraman filmed THEM and got them both on camera.

 

 

The cops got there quickly and arrested one of the guys, and they're tracking down the other guy with the footage they got from the news crew. 

 

 

(ABC 7 - New York)

Five Guys Were Arrested for a Fight at a Five Guys

And with this, we have now achieved Five Guys singularity.

 

 

According to the police in Stuart, Florida, five guys were arrested on Wednesday night for a brawl inside of a . . . wait for it . . . Five Guys.

 

 

The police say, quote, "Three juvenile males and two adult males were charged with affray and processed at the county jail."

 

 

Unfortunately, we don't have any more details than that, like what started the fight . . . but I'm not sure we need to know anything besides five guys brawled at Five Guys. 

 

 

(Orlando Sentinel)

A Guy Drank 33 Beers, Passed Out in a Strip Club Parking Lot, and Tried to Fight the Cops

It's quite a night when you go through an entire 30-pack of beer all by yourself . . . and still want more.

 

 

Last week, the cops in Port St. Lucie, Florida got a call from a strip club about a guy passed out in the parking lot.

 

 

When they got there, they found a 48-year-old guy named Michael Monahan face down and his fiancée rubbing his back.

 

 

They heard her say to Michael, quote, "Be calm, please don't fight them."  And there's really only one way a drunk guy will ever respond to someone saying that . . . he hopped up and challenged the cops to a fight.

 

 

They calmed him down and arrested him.  And when they asked if he'd been drinking, he said he put down 33 BEERS.  That's more than three GALLONS.

 

 

He was charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting arrest. 

 

 

(Treasure Coast Palm

 

 

(Here's his mugshot.)

 

 

 

Two Guys Get Into a Tiki Torch Fight at a Mall Food Court

On Thursday, two guys got into a fight in a mall food court in Madison, Wisconsin . . . and they were both armed with tiki torches.

 

 

Apparently they grabbed them from a restaurant's patio and started sword fighting with them.  Luckily they were electric tiki torches so the guys weren't swinging open flames.

 

 

The cops say the fight started because one of the guys gave the other guy a ride up from Chicago, but then got mad when the guy wouldn't buy him a cell phone.  So they started swinging tiki torches.

 

 

One of the guys ran off before the cops showed up, but the other is a 21-year-old named Damonte Lacey-Parr, and he was arrested for disorderly conduct while armed and criminal damage to property. 

 

 

(Madison State Journal)

A Guy Is Facing DUI Charges After Swearing He Was From the Future . . . 2019

If you're going to try to pass yourself off as a time traveler, at least understand the difference between the future and the present.

 

 

There's a 42-year-old guy named Jason Kolb from Conestoga, Pennsylvania.  And last week, he went up to a group of people and told them he built a time machine and he'd traveled back in time from the FUTURE.

 

 

And what year did he say he was from?  2019.

 

 

Apparently he was high on SOMETHING, and he believed it was 2015.  And he showed dates on his mail and the expiration date on a can of oysters to prove he was living in 2019.

 

 

Which, of course, he was.  All of us are.

 

 

Anyway, the cops came, and Jason was arrested for a DUI.  He also had an outstanding assault warrant and the cops found a small baggie of white powder on him. 

 

 

(FOX 43 - York)

A Couple Got Pulled Over in a Stolen Car with Uranium, a Gun, a Rattlesnake, and an Open Bottle of Whiskey

I have no idea what these people were planning but there is literally NO WAY it could be good.

 

 

The cops in Guthrie, Oklahoma pulled over a car recently for expired tags.  But there was SO much more illegal stuff going on . . .

 

 

1.  It turned out the car was stolen.

 

2.  There was a gun in the console.

 

3.  There was an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey next to the gun.

 

4.  There was a RATTLESNAKE in the backseat.

 

5.  And the grand finale:  There was also a canister of RADIOACTIVE URANIUM.

 

 

A guy named Stephen Jennings was driving, and he was charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, having an open container, driving with a suspended license, and more.

 

 

The passenger was a woman named Rachael Rivera, and she was charged with possession of a firearm by a felon.

 

 

The cops aren't sure what they were planning to do with the uranium, so it hasn't led to any charges yet. 

 

 

(NBC 4 - Oklahoma City

A Mom Is Arrested for Having Her Kids Ride in an Inflatable Pool on Her Car

There's a fine line between being a great mom and doing something fun for the kids . . . and this.

 

 

Jennifer Yeager is a 49-year-old mom from Dixon, Illinois.  And earlier this week, she and her two daughters drove to a friend's house to blow up their inflatable pool.

 

 

But when it was time to take it home, Jennifer's plan to keep it secure on the roof of her car was . . . having her daughters SIT inside of it.

 

 

Someone spotted Jennifer driving with the two kids sitting in the pool and called the cops.

 

 

They pulled Jennifer over and she was arrested on two counts of child endangerment, two counts of reckless conduct, and one count of failure to secure a passenger between age 8 and 16. 

 

 

(NBC 13 - Rockford)

 

 

(Here's her mugshot and a picture of the pool on her car.)

 

 

 

The Cops Catch a Suspect When His Loud Flatulence Gives Away His Hiding Spot

This guy is NEVER going to live this down.

 

 

The sheriff's department in Clay County, Missouri was hunting for a suspect yesterday who had a felony warrant for drug possession.

 

 

And they found him when he gave away his hiding spot . . . by LOUDLY PASSING GAS.

 

 

Unfortunately, we don't have any other details, but really, what else do you need? 

 

 

(Ozarks First)

A Woman Accidentally Shot Her Husband While She Was Trying to Shoot Someone Else in a Road Rage Incident

Is it really worth MURDERING someone just because they cut you off in traffic?

 

 

There's a 31-year-old woman named Erica Cole from Bremen, Alabama.  And on Saturday night, she and her husband Nicholas were driving when they got into a ROAD RAGE incident.

 

 

We don't know exactly what happened, but we know the Coles and the other driver wound up both pulling over at a house to keep the fight going.

 

 

And that's when Erica pulled out her gun to SHOOT the other driver.

 

 

Only . . . somehow . . . she accidentally shot her husband in the head instead.

 

 

He's in the hospital in stable condition, and Erica was arrested for attempted murder, assault, and reckless endangerment. 

 

 

(Al.com

 

 

(Here's her mugshot.)

 

 

 

A Boy Stabs His Brother in the Arm . . . Because Jail Seemed Better Than "Eight Hours in the Car With Him"

As long as families have taken road trips, siblings have annoyed the hell out of each other on those road trips.  But this takes it to the EXTREME.

 

 

A family from Clarksville, Tennessee was visiting Crestview, Florida this weekend.  And on Saturday, they were getting ready to pile into the car and drive home.  That's a road trip that's roughly 450 miles, so about eight hours with stops.

 

 

But before they could go, the family's 13-year-old STABBED his 15-year-old brother in the arm three times with a pocket knife.

 

 

Why?  He told the cops, quote, "I'd rather be in jail than [spend] eight hours in the car with him."

 

 

There's no word on whether he's going to be facing charges. 

 

 

(CBS 5 - Nashville)

 

A Woman Gives a Waitress a $5,000 Tip Using Her Boyfriend's Credit Card to Get Revenge After a Fight

What a generous way to get revenge . . . even if it was a felony.

 

 

There's a 24-year-old woman named Serina Wolfe from Buffalo, New York.  And last week, she and her boyfriend Michael Crane were on vacation in Clearwater, Florida.

 

 

They got into a big argument while they were having dinner at a restaurant and Michael left, so Serina decided to get revenge . . . by giving the waitress a $5,000 TIP using Michael's credit card.  The meal cost $55.37, so that's about a 9,000% tip.

 

 

Michael confronted Serina when he saw the charge, but she denied it . . . so he called the cops to report credit card fraud.  After they got involved, Serina admitted what she did.

 

 

She was arrested for felony grand theft.

 

 

As for the money . . . well, it's not clear who's going to cover it.  The restaurant says they already gave the waitress the $5,000 in cash, and if I were her, I wouldn't give it back. 

 

 

(The Smoking Gun)

 

 

(Here's Serina's mugshot.)

 

 

 

A Guy Is Arrested for Throwing McDonald's Sweet 'N Sour Sauce at His Girlfriend

Since everything at McDonald's is made with a million chemicals, does this count as chemical warfare?

 

 

There's a 30-year-old guy named Jesus Ferrer in Zephyrhills, Florida.  And he got into an argument with his girlfriend over the weekend because, according to the police, quote, "she bought the wrong food from McDonald's."

 

 

So he grabbed a few packages of McDonald's Sweet 'N Sour sauce . . . and threw them at her.

 

 

Then they started brawling, and he pinned her down . . . so she ripped a chunk out of his beard.  He ran off after that.

 

 

The cops tracked him down later in the day and arrested him for felony battery.

 

 

There's no word on what he actually wanted from McDonald's. 

 

 

(The Smoking Gun

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