Nothing like going to a buffet for dinner and seeing a JOUST break out.

A woman named Chequita Jenkins was at a buffet restaurant in Huntsville, Alabama last Friday night, and she was waiting for them to bring out more of the most important item at any buffet:  CRAB LEGS.

Another guy named John Chapman was also waiting for the crab legs.  And when the staff finally brought some out after a 10-minute wait, John and Chequita got into an argument over who cut in line.

It quickly turned into a SWORDFIGHT . . . where they fenced with TONGS from the buffet.  And from there, they started breaking plates.

There was an off-duty cop eating at the restaurant at the time, and he broke up the fight.  Chequita was charged with assault, for starting the fight . . . and John was charged with disorderly conduct. 

(CBS 19 - Huntsville)

(Here are their mugshots . . . TRULY the mugshots of two people who can't believe why they just got arrested.)

How dumb do you have to be to steal a rare coin collection . . . then say something like, "Hey, look at this quarter from 1843.  Just 50 more of these and I can buy myself some Miller High Life"?

There's a 40-year-old guy named Shane Mele from Riviera Beach, Florida.

And back in December, he broke into his boss's office, and stole the guy's rare coin collection.  It was worth about $33,000.

Then Shane took the coins to a Coinstar machine . . . and cashed them in at FACE VALUE.  And he got enough store credit to buy two 12-packs of beer.  So yeah, he turned $33,000 in coins into roughly $30.

He was just arrested for grand theft.  But unfortunately, the cops haven't been able to recover the missing coins. 

(Palm Beach Post) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

Once you RIP OFF a restaurant, you need to move on to other restaurants . . .

There's a 35-year-old guy named Raymond Prideaux from Racine, Wisconsin.  And on Wednesday, he ordered delivery from a pizza place.

Well . . . they recognized his name and address, because apparently he'd used FAKE $20 bills to pay them in the past.  So they called the cops.

And the cops went to Raymond's house posing as pizza delivery guys . . . so when he opened the door to get his pizza, they arrested him.  He fought back, so they wound up tasing him.

He's facing charges for obstructing an officer and disorderly conduct. 

(Racine Journal Times)

We've got a story here and, on one hand, it's a hell of a statement that disabled people can do anything if they put their mind to it.  On the other hand, well . . .

There's a 23-year-old guy named Rory O'Connor in Cardiff, Wales.  He was born without arms.  And he was just in court facing charges for . . . STABBING his dad.

They had an argument back in November, and it got physical.  Rory's dad apparently poked him with a vacuum cleaner tube, and Rory responding by picking up scissors between his toes and stabbing his dad in the stomach.

His dad needed major surgery, but still defended his son in court.  He said his son has had a hard life, you know, with not having arms and all . . . and he didn't want the incident to ruin his son's life.

The judge must have been sympathetic, because he sentenced Rory to 12 months of community service and rehab. 

(Manchester Evening News) 

You can't start figuring out ways to RIP OFF the company you work for before you've even taken your first lunch break.

There's a 47-year-old woman named Joan Adamson from West Valley City, Utah.  And last month, she was hired to work as a cashier at a 7-Eleven.

Well . . . during her first shift, she stole pre-paid credit cards worth more than $4,500.  During her second shift, she took $5,000 worth of money orders. 

And then, when it came time for her third shift . . . she just walked out and left the store open and unattended.

But since it's Utah, customers who showed up to the store politely called the cops to report that there wasn't anyone working.

Joan was arrested two days later after a police chase, which included her trying to RUN OVER a cop.

She just pleaded guilty to forgery, theft, and failure to stop at the command of an officer.  She'll be sentenced in April. 

(NBC 5 - Salt Lake City)

I would've guessed that instead of getting drunk and belligerent, it'd be better to get drunk and INSANELY GENEROUS.  Apparently not.

A guy named Joel Boyers was at a bar in downtown Nashville, Tennessee on Monday.  And he was so drunk that he kept giving the servers HUGE TIPS.

Over the course of his time there, he tipped $22,000.

But . . . he'd also been texting his friends strange stuff, about how he'd taken drugs that, quote, "increased his intelligence" and he was carrying a gun.  They were worried, so they called the cops.

And when the cops got there, the managers at the bar said Joel was causing a disruption . . . because his giant tips were making the servers fight over who'd get to serve him.

So he was arrested for public intoxication and possession of a firearm while intoxicated.  I guess next time he should tip less and not talk to his friends. 

(The Tennessean) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

Well this idiot made it easy on the cops . . .

28-year-old Nicholas Maziot broke into a house in New Jersey last Thursday and thought no one was home.

But the couple who lived there woke up and called the cops . . . and he bolted.  He had to climb through an upstairs window and jump off the roof to get away.

Then Nicholas decided to order a Lyft to use as his getaway car.  And here's where he really screwed up . . .

Instead of checking to see what kind of car his Lyft driver was in, he just jumped into the first car that pulled up . . . which turned out to be an unmarked POLICE CAR.  So he immediately got arrested.

He's facing multiple charges for burglary, criminal mischief, attempted theft, possession of burglary tools, and trespassing. 

(Kansas.com)

(Here's his mugshot.)

This isn't USUALLY the type of skill you want inmates working on while they're in jail . . .

A couple locked their keys in their SUV outside a courthouse in New Port Richey, Florida last Thursday, near Tampa.  And their one-year-old daughter was inside.

There were a bunch of cops around.  And they could have broken a window if they'd really needed to.  So she was never in any real danger.

But apparently none of the cops had a slim jim to get the doors open.  Or they couldn't reach the automatic door-lock button with one.

But five prison inmates were on work release nearby, fixing a median in the road.  And one of them just happened to have some experience breaking into cars.

Another person in the parking lot had a coat hanger in their car.  And the inmate was able to use it to get the doors open while the cops stood there and supervised.  So yes, he got permission first.

In the end, the little girl was only locked inside for about five minutes.  And her mom got the whole thing on video. 

(WZVN) 

I'm not sure why anyone would want a life as COMPLICATED as this guy.  Just TALKING about it makes me exhausted.

There's a 36-year-old guy who's only been identified as Zhang in Kunshan, China, which is in the eastern part of the country just outside Shanghai.  And between 2015 and 2017, he got married to THREE different women and had at least one kid with each of them.

None of them knew about each other . . . even after Zhang moved all three into apartments less than a MILE apart so it would be easier to hop back and forth.

Apparently he runs a successful real estate business, so he could afford to support all three families . . . and explain being away for long stretches by saying he was going on business trips.

Anyway, one of his wives finally caught him last year and reported him to the police.  And apparently all three women were shocked . . . they all said he was a really good husband, and one even said he would always do the dishes after dinner.

Now he's going to jail for two years for polygamy.  And his plan afterward is to go down to just one wife.  Which one?  Quote, "I will see who can forgive me and I'll be with her." 

(Shanghaiist)

Even criminals in CARTOONS aren't this slapstick.

A 37-year-old guy named Jason Mackenrodt robbed a bank at gunpoint in Waterville, Maine on Tuesday morning.  And then he ran away.

But as he ran through the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant across the street, he slipped on some ice.  Which made his gun fall out of his pocket . . . and a bunch of the cash he stole flew into the air.

And . . . it turned out he'd fallen and slid right in front of a police officer who randomly happened to be parked there at the time.

So Jason was arrested for robbery. 

(Portland Press Herald) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

 Who says your birthdays have to get less wild once you're older?

There's a guy in Moore, Utah named Dennis Butler . . . and he turned 66 on Friday.

And to celebrate, he got in his car . . . and started trying to ram into other people on the road.  Then he got out of his car and mooned everyone on the road.

Then he got back in his car and saw a cop.  So Dennis tried to ram head-on into him too . . . and when the cop swerved off the road to get out of the way, Dennis flipped him off.

The cop got into a high-speed chase with Dennis . . . which topped out at 100 miles-per-hour before Dennis got to his house and stopped.

He was arrested on several felony charges.

It's not clear if he was drunk or not, but he has plenty of drunk driving and reckless driving charges in his past. 

(NBC 5 - Salt Lake City)

 This scammer picked the WRONG senior citizen to go after.  Maybe the WORST possible senior citizen to go after.

94-year-old William Webster of Washington D.C. and his wife, Lynda, got a call about four years ago from a man who threatened to set their house on fire or shoot them if they didn't pay him thousands of dollars.

What the guy didn't realize is . . . William is a LEGEND in law enforcement.  He's the only person who's ever been the director of the FBI and the director of the CIA.  He headed up the FBI from 1978 to 1987, and the CIA from 1987 to 1991.

So when he got the first scam call, he immediately called the FBI.  And when the guy kept calling, William and Lynda kept alerting the FBI . . . and Lynda even had an agent listen in on one of the calls.

The FBI traced the calls to a 29-year-old man in Jamaica named Keniel Thomas.  And when he flew to New York in 2017 to visit a friend, he was instantly arrested.

He's been in jail ever since, and he was just sentenced to six years in prison for trying to scam the Websters and successfully scamming several other elderly people.  He'll be deported to Jamaica when his sentence is over. 

(CNN)

I'm pretty sure this guy is just going to want good Samaritans to leave him alone from now on.

On Friday night, a guy was shopping at a store in North Olmsted, Ohio, and he accidentally left his wallet behind.

A woman found it and did the right thing:  She turned it over to the cops.

The cops opened it to find the guy's ID so they could reunite him with his wallet.  And they DID find his driver's license in there . . . but they also found his COCAINE and METH.

So they put out a Facebook post telling the guy to turn himself in . . . or else they'll head to his place to arrest him. 

(NBC 3 - Cleveland) 

(Here's a picture of the wallet and the drugs.)

Good for this woman having a crisis of conscience.  Bad for this woman that it's STILL a crime.

A woman walked into a bank in Fall River, Massachusetts on Monday afternoon wearing a black beanie, dark sunglasses, and a black fleece.

And she walked up to a teller and wrote a note on a piece of paper.  But then . . . instead of handing it to the teller, she ripped up the note, threw it in a garbage can, and walked out.

The employees were suspicious, so they fished out the pieces of the note . . . and when they put them together, it said, quote, "Give me the money."

The bank called the cops and they're looking for the woman.  Even though she changed her mind, she could still face attempted bank robbery charges. 

(Herald News) 

(Here are two pictures of her in the bank.)