There aren't many situations you can wind up in that are WORSE than being in jail.  This guy found one of 'em.

A guy named John Wilson and a friend stole several hundred dollars worth of alcohol from a grocery store in Campbellsport, Wisconsin last week.

The cops started chasing them, and John got out and ran.  And he actually got away . . . until about an hour later, when he surrendered.

Why'd he give himself up?  Because there were so many MOSQUITOES swarming in the area that he couldn't take it anymore.

And he wasn't kidding.  When the cops cuffed him, about 20 mosquitoes swarmed onto his forehead and he asked the cops to wipe them away.

He was charged with fleeing, theft, and obstructing an officer.  The cops are still trying to track down his buddy. 

(CBS 58 - Milwaukee)

Anytime you see a cop and PANIC, your chances of doing something dumb skyrocket . . .

A guy in China was driving down the highway last Thursday when he saw a DUI checkpoint up ahead.  And he was worried he'd fail a breathalyzer, so he BAILED.

He parked his van on the side of the road . . . left it there . . . and tried to get away by jumping off an OVERPASS.

He ended up breaking his leg, and cops got him to a hospital.  But the dumbest part is he WASN'T EVEN DRUNK.

He said he'd been drinking the night before, and was worried there might still be alcohol in his system.  But when they tested him at the hospital, he was completely sober.

To be fair, China has pretty strict DUI laws, and a blood alcohol level of 0.02% can get your license revoked.  But the test showed he had NO alcohol in his system.

It's not clear if he's facing any charges for fleeing police or not. 

(Shanghaiist)

 I have a feeling NO ONE is going to mess with the town of Livingston, Texas and its little old lady mayor after this.

The new mayor of Livingston is a 73-year-old woman named Judy Cochran.  She's a grandmother . . . and also, apparently, a vigilante badass with a thirst for vengeance.

About three years ago, her miniature horse was killed by an alligator.  She knew the gator that did it . . . he's a 12-foot, 580-pound beast who lives in the river along her ranch.

And this year, she decided to get revenge.  But gator hunting season only lasts for three weeks, and it's right now, so she had to act fast.  On Monday, she put a dead raccoon in her backyard as bait, and waited for the gator.

And when the giant alligator took the bait, Judy killed him with one shot to the head.  Now he's at a taxidermist, because Judy is having his head stuffed to hang on her wall . . . and she's going to make his body into boots. 

(Fort Worth Star-Telegram) 

(Here's a picture of her with the gator.)

 I'm not sure one of the joys of being a parent is "now you've got a tiny criminal accomplice."  So this is a new one...

The police in Salem, New Hampshire are looking for a guy who used his toddler to steal a bunch of prizes from an arcade machine at a mall on Friday night.

The game is called BarBerCut Lite, and it's kind of like a claw machine . . . only instead of dropping a metal claw to try to grab a stuffed animal, you press buttons to try to make two pairs of scissors cut a string holding a prize.

It looks damn near impossible to win, and it probably is, since some of the prizes they have on display are really expensive things like a Nintendo Switch.

But because there are big prizes, there's also a big prize slot on the machine . . . so this guy had his young daughter crawl through the hole and pass him a bunch of the toys, electronics, and gift cards.  Then they took off.

Several people took videos as it was going on, and the cops are reviewing them now while they try to track down this guy. 

(New Hampshire Union Leader / Boston Globe) 

(Here are pictures from one of the videos.)

 I'm not sure this couple QUITE thought through the logic behind their plan.

There's a 25-year-old woman named Heather Murphy from Wareham, Massachusetts, and she had a court appearance on Wednesday for driving with a suspended license last month.

Her 33-year-old boyfriend Jason Willoughby was going with her to court, and they wanted to make sure they looked good.

So last Tuesday, they went to Walmart . . . and SHOPLIFTED some nice court clothes.

But they got caught by a security guard, and the cops came and busted them as they were trying to leave the store.

They were both arrested for shoplifting. 

(South Coast Today / Cape Cod Today) 

(Here are their mugshots.)

There's a 25-year-old guy named Seth Coffey in Vero Beach, Florida, and the cops pulled him over earlier this month as he was driving up and down a boulevard.

It turned out he had a blood-alcohol level that was three times the legal limit, so they arrested him for drunk driving.

And as they drove him to jail, he asked the cops to put on some music.  But they wouldn't do it.

So Seth decided to provide the music HIMSELF . . . and he started singing "Don't Stop Believin'".

What ELSE would be appropriate on a JOURNEY to jail?  Puns are the highest form of comedy.

Anyway, Seth is facing a DUI charge. 

(Treasure Coast Palm) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

 About a month ago, a 28-year-old woman in England named Charlotte Peart told her husband Daniel that she hit the lottery for over $300,000.  Then she laughed at him when he realized it was just a prank.

Apparently they pull pranks on each other a lot.  And this time, he fell for it.

Then early last week, she called him at work and claimed she'd won an even BIGGER jackpot.

It sounds like he was sick of it at that point.  Because he passed the phone off to someone else to let her screw with them.

But then she sent him a screenshot that showed they really HAD hit the lottery for a MILLION POUNDS . . . or just under $1.3 million.

They claimed their prize last Tuesday.  They're planning to use a large chunk of the money to buy a bigger house.  And their three kids are pumped, because they finally get to have their own bedrooms. 

(Sky News)

(Here they are with their giant check.)

Now THIS is how you take advantage of a discount.

There's a restaurant called the Montana Club in Missoula, Montana.  And they have a deal where if you eat there on your birthday, you get your age as a percent-off discount.  So if you're turning 29, you'd get 29% off.

And that discount has worked out GREAT for a woman named Helen Self.  She just turned 109 . . . so when she went to the restaurant, she didn't just get her meal free, she also got 9% of the cost back in cash.

She's actually been going there for her birthday every year since she turned 100.

And the owner says that even though she found a hell of a loophole on the discount, he's happy to take care of her every year. 

(ABC 23 - Missoula) 

(Here's a picture of her at the restaurant.)

FULL STORY:  I'm not sure there's a crappier way to get busted for a crime than this.  That's a high-quality pun, by they way, which will make sense in just a second.

The cops in Stearns County, Minnesota got a call last week about a burglary at a farm.  And when they got there, they found the burglar, 29-year-old Matthew Bloomquist, hadn't gotten very far . . . in fact, his pickup truck was still on the property.

Why?  Because when he tried to drive away with a bunch of stolen lumber, he accidentally got stuck . . . in a giant pile of MANURE.

And it gets worse.  Apparently he tried to run away, but he sunk waist-deep into the manure, and his shoes CAME OFF in the pile.

That's the point when he gave up, so when the cops got there, they found him standing next to the pile, barefoot, covered in manure up to his waist, smoking a cigarette.  He was arrested for burglary and possession of stolen property.

Unfortunately for the cops, even though they hosed him off before they threw him in jail, they say their police station STILL reeks today . . . even though they've kept the windows open and sprayed a ton of Febreze. 

(Twin Cities Pioneer Press)

(Here's Matthew's mugshot and a picture of his truck stuck in the manure.)