This guy used an old-school bullying tactic with his girlfriend, and it did NOT go over well . . .

A 47-year-old idiot in Fort Pierce, Florida named Joseph Sireci was lying on the living room floor DRUNK when his girlfriend got home from work earlier this month.

Then he started arguing with her and being "rude," so she decided to go hang out at a friend's house.  But he tagged along and kept drinking while they were there.

Then while she was driving them back home, he reached over and gave her a WET WILLY.  And now he's facing battery charges for it.

When they got home, he kept being belligerent and also threw some stuff.  So she called the cops.

It's not clear if they're still dating, or if she dumped him.

(Miami Herald / TC Palm)

(Here's his mugshot.)

It's not a crime to like hospital food.  But anyone who likes it this much deserves to be in jail . . .

Someone at a convenience store in Kentucky called 911 last Friday after a 35-year-old idiot named Kenneth Couch claimed he was having a heart attack.

But it turned out he was fine.  He just wanted a free ride to the hospital, so he could hit up their CAFETERIA.

When paramedics got him there, he hopped out of the ambulance and walked straight in to get some grub.

Police showed up and arrested him for making a false report.  They also charged him in connection with a stolen gun he apparently took from someone's house.  And he also had an active warrant out for writing bad checks.

So it looks like he'll be heading to jail for a while.  But I guess the silver lining is Ken's discerning palate now gets to give prison food a go.

(Kentucky.com)

(Here's his mugshot.)

There's a 21-year-old guy named Rafael Perdomo, and last October, he flew from the Dominican Republic to Newark, New Jersey.

But Customs stopped him and a woman flying with him because of their suspiciously heavy travel NECK PILLOWS.

And they were right to be suspicious . . . it turned out the pillows had more than six-and-a-half pounds of cocaine inside.

Rafael just pleaded guilty last week to a drug conspiracy charge, so he's facing between five and 40 years in prison. 

(NJ Advance Media)

Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when women used to try to break their boyfriends out of jail by baking them a cake and hiding a file inside.  I also miss bank robbers using bags with dollar signs on them, but that's not important here.

There's a 23-year-old guy named Nicholas Lowe, and he was arrested last month in Fayetteville, Arkansas for a criminal impersonation warrant he was facing in Ventura, California.  But he came up with one hell of a scheme to get out.

Two days after he was arrested, he talked his 30-year-old girlfriend Maxine Feldstein into calling the jail pretending to be a deputy from California . . . and she even sent them forged paperwork saying to release Nicholas.

The reason she gave is their jails were overcrowded, so they were dropping, quote, "low-priority extraditions."

And somehow the scheme WORKED, and Nicholas was released.  But a few days later, the ACTUAL deputies from Ventura County called to arrange a pickup for Nicholas . . . and they figured out what happened.

The cops tracked down Nicholas and Maxine last week.  They were still in Arkansas, and were both arrested on several charges. 

(Northwest Arkansas Democrat Gazette) 

(Here are their mugshots.)

This might be one of the CRAZIEST schemes we've heard of to try to get someone back after a break-up.

There's a 51-year-old guy named Roy Meadwell in Yeovil, England.  And back in 2016, he was engaged to a woman named Kay Wimbury . . . but she broke things off.

He kept trying to get her back, and it got so bad that she got a restraining order against him.

But last summer, he came up with one more big scheme.  He wrote her a letter pretending to be the GHOST of her dead mother . . . and in the letter, he told Kay she should get back together with Roy.

She realized that the letter WASN'T coming from beyond the grave . . . and she went to the cops.

Roy was just sentenced to four months in prison for violating the restraining order, but the sentence is suspended as long as he doesn't break the restraining order again . . . in the physical world OR the spirit world. 

(BBC) 

(Here's his photo.)

Here's why you should never accept a dare when you've been drinking.  No matter how innocent it seems, nothing good will come of it . . .

A lady in Austin, Texas was walking home from a bar with her friends on Saturday.  And one of them doubted whether she could run in the HIGH HEELS she was wearing.

So she broke into a full sprint to prove them wrong . . . ran into an intersection . . . and got hit by an SUV.

She ended up in the hospital with a brain bleed and needed surgery.

But the driver of the SUV is facing a felony charge.  Not because he hit her, but because he left the scene of the accident.

He eventually came back.  But they arrested him for not stopping to render aid.

So ironically, if HE hadn't tried to run, he might not have been charged at all. 

(Fox News)

 If you're accused of causing "mayhem" on a golf course, you're doing something wrong . . .

Two groups of golfers got into a brawl on a public golf course in Plymouth, Massachusetts on Friday.  (About 40 miles southeast of Boston.)

And a 47-year-old guy in one of the groups bit another guy's THUMB off.

It's not clear how it started, or what they were fighting about.  But he took the guy's thumb off down to his knuckle.

He's facing a charge for "mayhem" . . . which in Massachusetts means a, quote, "malicious intent to maim or disfigure."  And he could face up to 20 years in prison for it.

The guy who lost his thumb was treated at a nearby hospital.  Apparently his friends put his thumb on ice.  But we still haven't heard if doctors were able to reattach it.

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Cops near Orlando got into a high-speed chase with three people in a stolen SUV Monday night.

They eventually crashed the SUV into a ditch, and two of them got arrested.  But a passenger named Jennifer Kaufman tried to get away on foot and ran into a huge field nearby.  Which probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

But what she didn't know was the field had a bunch of angry COWS in it.  And when they saw her, they freaked out and started CHASING her.

A police helicopter got the whole thing on video.  You can see her running with about 20 cows right on her heels.

One of them got really close to her at one point.  And a cop in the helicopter even said it looked like she might get attacked.

Luckily for her, that didn't happen.  But they did chase her to a fence.  And when she got past it, the cops were right there waiting on the other side.

She and the driver are both facing charges for trespassing, theft, drug possession, and resisting arrest. 

(WKMG / Fox News)

(Here's Jennifer's mugshot.)

This is what happens when someone from Florida goes anywhere else in the world.  They try to pull Florida moves in other places . . . and Florida moves don't work anywhere else.

There's a 27-year-old guy named Antonio Stevens from Orlando, Florida, and he was in Dover, Delaware for some reason on Sunday.  And I guess he wanted to sample the best food Delaware has to offer . . . so he went to KFC.

But he got there at 11:15 P.M., which was more than an hour after it had closed.

So he pulled out a GUN and told an employee who was outside to open it back up.

When she wouldn't do it, he tried to steal her stuff . . . but he wound up running away empty handed.

The cops eventually tracked him down and he was arrested for first-degree robbery and resisting arrest. 

(Delaware Online) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

Today we've got the story of a 28-year-old guy named Sean Kelley from Spokane Valley, Washington who will appreciate the irony of what happened to him one day.  One day.

Last month, Sean was speeding when a cop tried to pull him over.  Sean wouldn't stop, and after a quick chase, he quickly pulled into a parking lot and ran into a sports bar.

The cops went in there to look for him, and someone pointed him out.  He gave them his info, including his name and his phone number, but he SWORE he wasn't driving . . . he said he'd been in the bar all night.

The cops noticed there was a phone on the driver's seat of the car they'd been chasing.  So, just as a test, they called the number Sean gave them.  And that phone started ringing.

But it gets even better.  Sean had a custom ringtone . . . "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle, which everyone knows as the theme song from the TV show "COPS".

Sean was arrested for attempting to elude a police vehicle, obstruction, and driving with a suspended license. 

(NBC 6 - Spokane)

 We don't know if this guy's excuse was true or not.  But if you've ever been in this situation, you don't always think straight . . .

Cops in Yakima, Washington saw a 32-year-old guy named Marlowe Olney blow through a stop sign last Wednesday.  And they tried to pull him over, but he wouldn't stop.  (Yakima is about 150 miles southeast of Seattle.)

So it turned into a high-speed chase in the middle of a residential area.  And he refused to slow down until he finally lost control and CRASHED into an abandoned house.

After that, he took off on foot, but they caught up to him.  And when they asked why he ran, he said he didn't have a choice . . . because he was in the middle of an emergency BATHROOM situation.  In other words, he really needed to poop.

Obviously a bathroom emergency doesn't qualify as a REAL emergency.  So he also claimed he couldn't stop because his car didn't have brakes.

The cops didn't buy it though, and they arrested him.

No word on how long he had to wait before he finally got to use a bathroom. 

(KIMA)

Sometimes it really IS too late to do the right thing.

A guy walked into a Valley National Bank branch in Bayonne, New Jersey last Friday afternoon, and he slipped a note to the teller saying this was a ROBBERY and they needed to give him, quote, "all the money."

But just as the teller started reading the note, apparently the guy CHANGED HIS MIND about robbing the bank.  So he snatched the note back and said he was there to open an account.

Unfortunately for him, the teller saw enough of the note to realize what his original plan was . . . so they tried to stall him until the cops could come.

But the guy managed to run away before the cops got there . . . and before he could open a new account.

The police are investigating. 

(Jersey Journal)

In case you missed this, on Saturday afternoon, three people stole a small SHARK from the San Antonio Aquarium in Texas by swaddling it like a baby and pushing it away in a stroller.

Well, there's some good news.  First of all, the cops managed to track down the thieves and they've been arrested for theft.

And second, thankfully, the shark is okay . . . and she's back in her tank at the aquarium.  The staff is observing her to make sure she's healthy.

Apparently one of the guys who stole the shark took her home and put her in his aquarium.  According to the cops, the guy was able to keep her alive because he, quote, "knew what he was doing."

Also, it turns out the shark's name is Miss Helen.  Maybe that last thing isn't an IMPORTANT development in the story, but it's one we're really glad we know. 

(San Antonio Express-News)