Most half-decent thieves do whatever they can to hide their identity.  Obviously this guy is NOT a half-decent thief . . .

42-year-old Shawn Yoakum pulled a knife and tried to rob a store in Lafayette, Indiana Tuesday morning. 

And employees immediately knew who he was . . . because the cashier was Shawn's BROTHER.

The brother and another employee closed the protective glass around the checkout area.  So Shawn left empty handed.  Then they called the cops.

Police found Shawn hiding in an alley behind his house a few blocks away.  He finally dropped the knife after they tased him and shot him with a beanbag.

He's facing charges for attempted robbery, resisting arrest, and a third charge for an outstanding warrant. 

(Journal & Courier)

(Here's his mugshot.)

The police station's phone number isn't a phone dating service.  One, because it's a police station.  And two, because I'm pretty sure phone dating services haven't existed since 1996.

There's a 47-year-old guy named Benjamin Duddles in Waukesha, Wisconsin.  And last week, he called the police's non-emergency line four times in 37 minutes . . . to hit on the dispatchers.

In one of the calls, he told a female dispatcher, quote, "It would be super duper cool if we could spend some quality time together."

On another call, he asked a male dispatcher, quote, "Do you wanna, you know, fool around?"

The cops wound up going to his apartment and they found he was intoxicated and had drug paraphernalia.  So he was arrested on misdemeanor drug charges and for unlawful phone use.

This isn't Benjamin's first time making the rounds as a stupid criminal either.  Back in 2013, he called 911 because he wanted, quote, "a female removed from his bed" for snoring after they had sex. 

(The Smoking Gun) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

This guy isn't just lacking the skills to be a criminal . . . he seems to be lacking very basic life skills.

The cops in Birmingham, England got a call on Sunday night when someone saw a guy, quote, "acting suspiciously" inside a Ford Focus.

And when they got there, they found out what was wrong . . . the guy said he was TRAPPED inside the car.

It's not clear HOW he was trapped inside the car . . . like, how do you get into a Ford Focus but not manage to get out of one?  But the cops broke the window to rescue him.

Then they noticed the car had fake license plates and it had been reported stolen.

So the guy was arrested for car theft. 

(The Independent)

I have no doubt, in this woman's mind, she WAS calling 911 with an emergency.

A 69-year-old woman named Sylvia Shumaker from Largo, Florida was drunk last Thursday night.  And she repeatedly called and texted 911 . . . to ask them how to get a DIVORCE from her husband.

The cops finally went to her house when she wouldn't stop and arrested her for misuse of the 911 system. 

(CBS 13 - Florence)  

(Here's her mugshot.)

Last April, a 20-year-old guy named Antoine McDonald from Orlando, Florida went viral when he saw a couple physically fighting and he stepped in to defend the woman . . . while he was dressed in a full Easter Bunny costume.

After the video went viral and Antoine identified himself as the guy behind the costume, it turned out he was a FUGITIVE who was wanted in New Jersey for car theft.  It's not clear if anything ever came of that.

But now Antoine and his Easter Bunny costume are back in the news . . . and, once again, it's not in a good way.

According to the cops, earlier this month, Antoine was on his motorcycle in Altamonte Springs, Florida . . . and he ran a stop sign, drove up onto a yard, and crashed into a carport.  It collapsed, causing thousands of dollars in damage.  Then Antoine ran off.

And when the cops found him a few blocks away, they found him hiding in the backseat of a car . . . trying to disguise himself by wearing his Easter Bunny costume.

The cops say he was possibly trying to fool them into thinking it was just a costume in the car, not a person in the costume, but, quote, "The bunny appeared to be alive."

He was arrested for a hit-and-run and driving without a license, although he denied that he was the one who crashed.  He told the cops, quote, "I'm the Orlando Easter Bunny, Google it." 

(NBC 2 - Orlando / CBS 6 - Orlando)

As everyone who's ever watched a movie knows, if you want to hide underwater, you need to put a little reed in your mouth and use it as a snorkel.  I mean, that's just Hiding in Water 101.

There's a 36-year-old guy named Daniel Booth from Macclenny, Florida.  And he was at his job at a solar power plant last week when the cops showed up to arrest him on a warrant for selling meth.

But Daniel decided to make a run for it, and he jumped into a POND to try to hide from the cops under the water.

But he was busted when . . . he had to come up for air.

Now he'll also be facing charges for trying to escape. 

(ABC News) 

(Here's a picture of him getting arrested.)

If you lose your girlfriend to another guy because you can't compete with his romantic gestures . . . like occasionally buying her fast food . . . maybe you never should've had her in the first place.

There's a guy named Ervin Johnson in Austin, Texas.  And based on this story, there's NOTHING magic about him.

Last Thursday, he found out his ex-girlfriend had gone to Burger King with another dude, and that guy had bought her a meal.

Well . . . Ervin hid in the bushes outside of the woman's apartment, and when she walked up holding the Burger King bag, he snatched it out of her hand and ran off.

She called the cops, and he was charged with theft. 

(Fox 7 - Austin)

I get that not every criminal prepares like they're pulling off an "Ocean's Eleven"-style heist . . . but you gotta prepare a LITTLE.

There's a 47-year-old guy named Matthew Davies from Dunfermline, Scotland.  And last September, he tried to rob a bank.

Well, he was in court last week, and we found out how the robbery went wrong.

Apparently Matthew took a pillow case with him to the robbery to use as a mask.  But when he put it on . . . he realized he'd forgotten to CUT EYE HOLES.

So he had to take off the pillow case to be able to see during the robbery . . . which made it very easy to identify him.

He wound up pleading guilty to assault and robbery, and he'll be sentenced next month. 

(BBC)

There might not be a FASTER way to get fired from a driver's ed job than this.

There's a guy named Corey Malone, and he works for a driver's ed company in Germantown, Wisconsin.  And last week, he went to Germantown High School to get one of his students.

But he was DRUNK.  And he was so drunk that, at one point, after he picked up the student, he backed the car into a gate . . . which swung out and hit the school's PRINCIPAL.

It turned out his blood-alcohol level was four times the legal limit, and he had no idea he'd hit the principal.

Fortunately, the principal wasn't hurt . . . and neither was the student in Corey's car.

Corey was arrested for operating while intoxicated. 

(Milwaukee Journal Sentinel) 

(Here's his mugshot, and here's surveillance video showing the crash.)

You almost never see a vigilante justice story that works out well for the vigilantes.  And this one's no different . . .

25-year-old Corey Cornutt and his 29-year-old girlfriend Savannah Grillot live together in Visalia, California.  (About 40 miles southeast of Fresno.)  And they were sick of people in their area stealing bikes.

So for several months, they'd leave a bike on their front lawn to lure thieves in.  And if anyone tried to steal it, they'd chase them down . . . and beat them with BASEBALL BATS.

They beat up at least four would-be thieves between July and November.  But neighbors say the real number was much higher.  And a few were seriously injured.

Apparently some of their neighbors supported what they were doing.  But they got caught after trying to rack up likes by posting the security footage on YouTube.

They're facing charges for conspiracy and assault with a deadly weapon.  But none of the thieves have been arrested, because Corey and Savannah never filed any police reports about the attempted thefts. 

(Fox News / KTLA)

(Here are their mugshots.)

Well, at least we know no one at this RAGER was going to get in their car to drive home drunk afterwards.

The cops in LaGrange County, Indiana got several noise complaints about a party over the weekend, and reports of underage drinking.

And when they went to check out the party, they found it was a, quote, "large Amish party."

There were more than 250 Amish people there, just tearing it up, Rumspringa-ing their hearts out . . . and all of them tried to run when the cops came.

The cops managed to arrest 38 people total, including 24 underage drinkers and 15 adults.  They're mostly facing charges of minors consuming alcohol or contributing to the delinquency of a minor. 

(CBS 15 - Fort Wayne)

If THIS guy can't stay ZEN in the face of a minor annoyance, what hope do any of us have?

There's a 34-year-old guy named Nicholas Glasgow in Iowa City, Iowa.  And he works as a yoga instructor.

Well . . . back in September, he was at a movie theater to see "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood".  And someone else in the theater was using their phone.

After the movie ended, Nicholas confronted the guy and told him to apologize for ruining the movie for him.  And before the guy could respond, Nicholas started PUNCHING him.

Even though this happened back in September, the arrest warrant for Nicholas just went out on Friday.  And he was arrested on Sunday for assault and criminal mischief. 

(The Smoking Gun) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

It's not a good sign for your career as a criminal if you can't even outsmart and outmaneuver inanimate objects.

There's a 30-year-old guy named Nathaniel King in Cartersville, Georgia.  And last week, he broke into a tire store.

But as Nathaniel was trying to steal tires, he got trapped under a pile of them . . . and couldn't get free.

So he had to call 911 on himself for help.  And he told the dispatcher, quote, "I think the tire rack is going to kill me."

He was arrested for breaking and entering. 

(Atlanta Journal Constitution / Fox 5 - Atlanta) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

This happened last month, but the police just released the report now.

Back on December 20th, the cops in Fort Pierce, Florida pulled over a 46-year-old woman.  Her name hasn't been released.

The cop smelled WEED coming from the car, and the woman told him it was because she had a medical marijuana card.  And she pointed to a hooded sweatshirt in the car where he could find it.

But when he picked up the sweatshirt . . . a CRACK PIPE fell out.  The cop searched her car and found half a dozen crack rocks under one of the seats.

The woman did NOT have a medical crack cocaine card . . . because that doesn't exist.

So she was arrested for cocaine possession. 

(Treasure Coast Palm)

You never would have seen this story a decade ago.  But now even America's seniors are so addicted to tech, they have to have it . . .

A 28-year-old guy in Georgia named Thomas McCollum is facing charges after he kept stealing his 73-year-old mom's electronics . . . and holding them for RANSOM.

He took her iPad and other gadgets like her TV, and hid them.  Then he texted her and said she wouldn't get them back until his demands had been met.

If she didn't cough up the money by his deadline, he said he'd up the ransom.  So she eventually went to an ATM with him, and gave him an undisclosed amount of money.

Police arrested him on Sunday.  He's facing a felony charge for the exploitation or intimidation of an elderly person.

Last we checked, his mom hadn't bailed him out.

(AJC / 11Alive)

(Here's his mugshot.)

There are SO many reasons this guy's wife is going to be mad at him.

67-year-old Brian Kolb is a Republican assemblyman in New York.  He was first elected back in 2000.

And back on New Year's Eve, he was driving drunk and crashed his SUV into an embankment near his house in Victor, New York.

Then when Triple-A came, his first instinct was . . . to BLAME it on his WIFE.  He told the Triple-A worker, quote, "My wife was driving!  You know how women drive."

The worker called 911 because the SUV had hit a utility wire.  And when the cops came, they smelled alcohol on Brian's breath.  It turned out his wife wasn't even with him in the car when he crashed.

His blood-alcohol level was twice the legal limit, and he was arrested for driving while intoxicated.

There's no word on how his wife feels about him trying to pin it on her . . . or his take on women drivers. 

(Syracuse Post Dispatch) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

It's a fairly minor frustration when you want LOTS of dipping sauce for your McNuggets but McDonald's only gives you one or two.  So this MIGHT just be an overreaction.

There's a 19-year-old woman named Maguire McLaughlin from Vero Beach, Florida, and last week, she bought a bunch of food from a McDonald's drive thru at 3:45 A.M.

And she asked for one dipping sauce in EVERY flavor they had.  An employee told her that she'd have to pay 25 cents for each packet . . . and Maguire flipped out.

She told the employees that she'd ROB the place to get her dipping sauces . . . and she'd get her hands on that dipping sauce sampler, quote, "by whatever means necessary."

The employees called the cops, and she was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. 

(The Smoking Gun)

(Here's her mugshot.)

In this guy's defense, if you were trying to hide from The Law and wanted to go to a place that no one's paying attention to, Delaware is a smart choice.

There's a 63-year-old guy named Jose Romero.  And back on December 13th, 1979, he escaped from prison in South Carolina while he was on a work crew.  He was 11 years into an 18-year sentence for armed robbery.

Well . . . for the past 40 YEARS he's managed to avoid getting caught.

But that all blew up on December 28th when he was walking around Dover, Delaware DRUNK . . . and the cops stopped him.  He had an ID that said "Arnaldo Figueroa," but his fingerprints showed he was actually Jose Romero.

It turns out he's been hiding in Delaware all this time without ever getting caught.

He's now in prison there and he'll be extradited back to South Carolina soon to face charges for escape. 

(CBS News)

(Here are his mugshots from 1977 and now.)