If you're going to go to all the trouble to pose as a fake cop, at least set the bar nice and high when you start asking for BRIBES.

There's a 34-year-old guy named Adam Viens from Thompson, Connecticut, and over the summer, he decided he was going to pretend to be a cop.

He wound up talking to a 47-year-old guy named Keith Barnes who was facing an impaired driving charge.  And Adam told Keith he was a state trooper who was out on disability, and he offered to clear the charge.

He only wanted a small thing in return:  Some beers and a shrimp cocktail.  Dream big, kids.

Anyway, the whole thing was super suspicious, so Keith wound up calling the real cops to tell them what was going on.

And on Monday, they arrested Adam for impersonating a police officer. 

(Norwich Bulletin) 

(Here's his mugshot.)

 A 23-year-old guy named John Casford recently broke into a zoo in Wellington, New Zealand to steal a monkey for his girlfriend.  Specifically, a squirrel monkey.  And yes, they're pretty cute.

But he wasn't able to get one for her.  And he also got pretty banged up in the process.

He managed to get into the zoo, and into their enclosure.  But he FELL while trying scale a fence, and ended up with a broken leg, a sprained ankle, and two busted teeth.

He still got away.  But cops were able to track him down.  And he admitted that he was, quote, "high as a kite" when he did it.

Turns out he was also wanted on a few other charges, including some sort of road rage incident.  And a judge just sentenced him to two-and-a-half years in prison.

(New Zealand Herald)

(Here's a photo of one of the monkeys he tried to steal.)